The "Fake News" Thread

So classic as them city folk have so little knowledge/concern for the rest of the state.

Presque Isle Airport Incident Leaves Portland Residents Shocked to Learn There Are Other Parts of Maine

Portland – A close-call at the Presque Isle airport, in which a rough landing left 4 passengers with minor injuries, has Portland residents scratching their heads.

“Presque Isle, is that out by Peaks?” one puzzled resident asked.

The United Express plane suffered damages after sliding off the runway on Monday. The plane remains on the runway pending an FAA investigation, but Portlanders want answers now.

“How far does Maine go, anyway?” asked Peter Wigglesworth, who owns a unicycle food delivery service.

Wigglesworth said he hasn’t flown commercially since he moved to Maine, but he expressed some interest upon learning of Presque Isle’s airport.
“It sounds almost primitive. I’d love to visit, is it in the midcoast?”

Officials say the plane skidded off the runway on its second landing attempt. The plane suffered damage to its nose cone and landing gear.

Some Portlanders were relieved to learn the incident only caused minor injuries, but others wanted to wait until they knew the political demographics of Presque Isle before deciding if the injuries were warranted.
 
So classic as them city folk have so little knowledge/concern for the rest of the state.

Presque Isle Airport Incident Leaves Portland Residents Shocked to Learn There Are Other Parts of Maine
Portland – A close-call at the Presque Isle airport, in which a rough landing left 4 passengers with minor injuries, has Portland residents scratching their heads.

“Presque Isle, is that out by Peaks?” one puzzled resident asked.

The United Express plane suffered damages after sliding off the runway on Monday. The plane remains on the runway pending an FAA investigation, but Portlanders want answers now.

“How far does Maine go, anyway?” asked Peter Wigglesworth, who owns a unicycle food delivery service.

Wigglesworth said he hasn’t flown commercially since he moved to Maine, but he expressed some interest upon learning of Presque Isle’s airport.
“It sounds almost primitive. I’d love to visit, is it in the midcoast?”

Officials say the plane skidded off the runway on its second landing attempt. The plane suffered damage to its nose cone and landing gear.

Some Portlanders were relieved to learn the incident only caused minor injuries, but others wanted to wait until they knew the political demographics of Presque Isle before deciding if the injuries were warranted.


Yeah !!, those are the people i was referring to. Scary to me. :eek:
 
Gov. Mills Announces $5.1 Million Plan to Put New Electric Cars on Maine’s Old $hitty Roads

Augusta – Governor Janet Mills plans to use money secured during her tenure as Maine’s Attorney General to give a break to people looking to purchase electric vehicles for use on Maine’s pock-marked, decrepit roads system.

The $5.1 million, from Volkswagen’s emissions scandal, will be used to help develop Maine’s electric car infrastructure, as well as provide rebates and discounts for people looking to buy electric.

“According to Carmax, 68% of electric car owners come from homes making more than $100,000 a year,” a statement from the governor’s office read. “This small but politically important demographic will no longer suffer from range anxiety on trips to the farmer’s market.”

Part of the range anxiety comes from the extra mileage incurred while swerving to avoid the thousands of potholes and cracks in Maine’s neglected roads. Putting in more charging stations should help alleviate the problem for electric car owners.

Fully half the money will be used to outfit Maine government offices with new electric vehicles.

“Since most vehicles with Maine government plates speed on the highway with reckless abandon and no fear of reprisal, it presents another challenge for battery life,” according to the statement.

Governor Mills hopes the rebates will encourage Maine’s eco-conscious to consider buying a second or third car for quick trips to First Friday art gallery events, or to drive to the airport for eco-vacations.
 
LMAO !!!!! That's a pretty tall order for just 5.1 Million. I'm going out on a limb here and estimate only about 1/10th of 1% of people in Maine make more than $100.000 a year. (Save my doctor) :) I swear, just like a Drunken sailor. Blow i all as you get it, And you wonder why I am like i am. Who the hell does she think has enough money for a second or even third car ? Or for that matter goes on vacations !!!

Ok i feel better now thanks Dom. :)
 
LMAO !!!!! That's a pretty tall order for just 5.1 Million. I'm going out on a limb here and estimate only about 1/10th of 1% of people in Maine make more than $100.000 a year. (Save my doctor) :) I swear, just like a Drunken sailor. Blow i all as you get it, And you wonder why I am like i am. Who the hell does she think has enough money for a second or even third car ? Or for that matter goes on vacations !!!

Ok i feel better now thanks Dom. :)

Glad you got that off our chest. I'll be ranting when she runs out of "found monies" and starts the inevitable tax increases on us...

The new "Guvnah" doesn't seem to have many fans outside of Northern Massachusetts, I mean Southern Maine, especially with the staff at New Maine News.

What really hacks me off is that 10 or so of the spots in my favorite Bean parking lot now have had Tesla chargers installed in them, taking them out of circulation. And they're multiplying at the Tpke Service Stations too!!! Like you could actually use a Tesla for a road trip!!!

Maybe I should see how much Janie will give me to get one??
 
Directions from a Maineah reminds me of directions from an Irishman, very descriptive, in terms of geography, not necessarily route descriptive. Here's an actual direction I once got, and it did make total sense.

"Head out on the Dublin road and continue until you pass that bump in the road that your kids in the backseat scream 'WHEEEEE' at. Make the next right by the thatched roof cottage!"

Well here's a Customized Maine GPS...

New ‘True-Mainer’ GPS Tells You All the Landmarks You’ll See if You Drove Too Far

Posted: 28 Aug 2019 05:00 AM PDT
Olathe, KS – Garmin Ltd. created a new GPS system just for Mainers, giving drivers point-by-point directions on what they’ll see if they drive past a chosen destination.

According to Garmin, the GPS is a “more natural fit for Mainers who are used to getting directions from other Mainers,” a representative of the company said.

If you set a destination from Brunswick to Congress Street in Portland, the True-Mainer GPS will advise you of the Maine Mall and Jetport exits.

“If you see a sign in 61.7 miles for the Portland Jetport, you have gone too far,” the GPS voice alerts drivers.

Immediately following a notification of what to expect if you’ve driven past your exit, the GPS launches into an entirely new set of directions on how to get back onto the road to get to your original destination.

“Regardless of whether or not you miss your exit, the True Maine GPS lets you know what sights and landmarks you’ll see 5 to 10 miles past your exit,” Garmin said.

One notable exception is driving from Ellsworth to Machias, when it assures drivers they haven’t missed a turn and are still on the correct path, “it’s just a ways is all.”

Driving through downtown Bangor, True Mainer GPS also lets you know other details.

“Stay straight until you get to a huge hill. The stop light at the top was some pretty hard times back when everyone drove standard. Nowadays no one pays it any mind but you could smell the burnt clutch-smell about half the time back before everyone got soft and started driving automatics,” it says.
 
Directions from a Maineah reminds me of directions from an Irishman, very descriptive, in terms of geography, not necessarily route descriptive. Here's an actual direction I once got, and it did make total sense.

"Head out on the Dublin road and continue until you pass that bump in the road that your kids in the backseat scream 'WHEEEEE' at. Make the next right by the thatched roof cottage!"

Well here's a Customized Maine GPS...

New ‘True-Mainer’ GPS Tells You All the Landmarks You’ll See if You Drove Too Far

Posted: 28 Aug 2019 05:00 AM PDT
Olathe, KS – Garmin Ltd. created a new GPS system just for Mainers, giving drivers point-by-point directions on what they’ll see if they drive past a chosen destination.

According to Garmin, the GPS is a “more natural fit for Mainers who are used to getting directions from other Mainers,” a representative of the company said.

If you set a destination from Brunswick to Congress Street in Portland, the True-Mainer GPS will advise you of the Maine Mall and Jetport exits.

“If you see a sign in 61.7 miles for the Portland Jetport, you have gone too far,” the GPS voice alerts drivers.

Immediately following a notification of what to expect if you’ve driven past your exit, the GPS launches into an entirely new set of directions on how to get back onto the road to get to your original destination.

“Regardless of whether or not you miss your exit, the True Maine GPS lets you know what sights and landmarks you’ll see 5 to 10 miles past your exit,” Garmin said.

One notable exception is driving from Ellsworth to Machias, when it assures drivers they haven’t missed a turn and are still on the correct path, “it’s just a ways is all.”

Driving through downtown Bangor, True Mainer GPS also lets you know other details.

“Stay straight until you get to a huge hill. The stop light at the top was some pretty hard times back when everyone drove standard. Nowadays no one pays it any mind but you could smell the burnt clutch-smell about half the time back before everyone got soft and started driving automatics,” it says.


Don't all Garmin's work like that ? BTW it's only 31.4 statute miles from Brunswick to the jetport. 61.7 miles puts you down in Ogunquit, near Perkins Cove. I like when i'm heading down to your place and come up to the traffic light under the Leman highway and she says "Turn left at the next traffic light." NEXT i say ?? it's the only dam traffic light in town !!. Yeah i have been known to talk to her. :)

OR, when i'm coming up 295 to the Brunswick exit and she says "Be in one of the two right lanes" ??? I have been traveling up 295 from Portland and their ARE only 2 lanes. Where the hell else dose she think i'm going to be ?? :eek:
 
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Don't all Garmin's work like that ? BTW it's only 31.4 statute miles from Brunswick to the jetport. 61.7 miles puts you down in Ogunquit, near Perkins Cove. I like when i'm heading down to your place and come up to the traffic light under the Leman highway and she says "Turn left at the next traffic light." NEXT i say ?? it's the only dam traffic light in town !!. Yeah i have been known to talk to her. :)

I don't talk to mine, I scream at her, but not nearly as often, and loudly, as I yell at Siri!!

When I have the Garmin "stalking strine" (speaking with an Australian accent) I call her "Sheila", right now she's got the Irish accent so she's Bridget...
 
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This is so true!! Had to make a delivery to Portsmouth on Sunday and of course, I stopped at the Liquor Store. $500 later I was on my way back to "Vacationland"...


Liquore.png

MAINE, NEWS, SCIENCESeptember 9, 2019

Spacecraft Carrying Maine Astronaut to Stop at New Hampshire Liquor Store on Trip to International Space Station


New Hampshire/Maine Border – The first woman Mainer in space, Jessica Meir, will spend 6 months aboard the International Space Station, which means a quick stop across the border to visit the New Hampshire State Liquor store first.

“This is an historic moment for Maine, and Meir is holding fast to tradition by stocking up on tax-free booze on the first leg of the trip,” said a spokesperson for NASA.

The 42-year old Meir, who has dreamed of being an astronaut since childhood, is co-piloting a Soyuz MS-15 spacecraft launching from Kazakhstan.

“Meir has already marked out the path from Kazakhstan to the liquor store on the ship’s GPS, but has a copy of the DeLormes Gazetteer just in case,” NASA said.

The stop at the New Hampshire liquor store on the way to the ISS is timed perfectly “for a pee break,” since the ship will continue non-stop to its destination.

“The crew knows this is more than just a chance to fill the cargo hold with half-gallons of Fireball and Allens, it’s also a chance to use the facilities,” NASA said.

“Once the ship gets over Mass, hell if it plans on stopping until it gets to space.”

Meir may also grab a few scratchers while across the border, as NASA sources claim they’re “luckier over there because they want you to spend more on booze.”
 
So now PFA stand for both Person From Away (yours truly) and Plankton From Away!! :ROFLMAO: For a point of reference inhabitants from CT are the second most reviled in ME...

Connecticut Plankton Found in Gulf of Maine Unmistakable Sign of Ocean Gentrification

Posted: 16 Sep 2019 05:36 AM PDT

Gulf of Maine – An alarming new study from the Ocean Policy and Research Institute (OPRI) shows Maine’s sea water may have already exceeded previously forecast gentrification levels.

More Connecticut and New York-based plankton are showing up in colonies of the microorganisms in the last 10 years than in the previous 20, according to OPRI.

“Even one of these organisms in an established colony is cause for alarm,” said lead researcher Gerry Ouellette.
“While the rest of the plankton are too busy converting light into energy through photosynthesis, the invasive plankton take up leadership roles in the colonies.”

Once established, the Connecticut plankton begin changing the way the colony behaves.

“They set about immediately changing the rules of the colony, making it more attractive for subsequent Connecticut, New York, and Massachusetts plankton.”

They accomplish this by making it too costly for the native plankton to survive.

“Most native plankton lack the stored resources to stop photosynthesis even for a few hours, so they’re forced to move to less desirable locations where resources are less costly.”

One of the most alarming signs of ocean gentrification observed is a bloom of microbreweries appearing where historically none have existed, along with other telltale signs.

“Even colonies we thought were unattractive to Connecticut plankton are now littered with art galleries.”
 
This coming Monday is now "Indigenous Peoples' Day." Some of the more old time Maineahs having taken exception and the New Maine News has scribed this excellent satire, along with the deep-felt contempt for Portland's "Person From Away" gentrification. Love the swipe at Bezos' "Amazonians". Yeah, they visited here but were rallied against by the natives...

Recently Gentrified Portland Neighborhood Plans Indigenous Peoples’ Day Celebration
Posted: 07 Oct 2019 05:24 AM PDT

Portland – With Maine no longer observing Columbus Day, members of one former working-class Portland neighborhood are observing Indigenous Peoples’ Day with all-day celebrations.

The event is spearheaded by Karen Steed, a former Washington DC lobbyist who moved here 5 years ago. Steed now runs a successful artisanal soap shop.

“Rather than celebrate the brutality of colonialism, we’re going to lift up the names of the peoples who were here long before Europeans settled the so-called ‘New World.'”

Steed plans on serving Poc Chuc, “a food with its roots in ancient Mayan culture,” from a stand outside her store, a building that once housed a family-owned laundromat.

The neighborhood had a reputation for being “on the wrong side of town” as little as 10 years ago. Working-class people from dozens of ethnic and national backgrounds lived there until the tax rates were increased enough to make it no longer affordable.

“This is the best way I can think of to celebrate those affected by the brutality of imperialism,” said Joel Rockefeller, a former defense industry executive who now runs a successful art gallery.

Rockefeller opened his gallery in 2010 after the auto mechanic who was there before was forced to move due to new zoning enacted by members of the neighborhood.

Rockefeller had his eyes “opened up” by a visit with a native tribe of Amazonians last year.
“We need to honor these proud people,” he said.

The Indigenous Peoples’ Day celebration is open to all, but Steed said it’s open especially to the Indigenous People of Maine.

“I think there’s a federally recognized tribe here in Maine? If so, we would welcome them with open arms, whoever they may be.”
 
This coming Monday is now "Indigenous Peoples' Day." Some of the more old time Maineahs having taken exception and the New Maine News has scribed this excellent satire, along with the deep-felt contempt for Portland's "Person From Away" gentrification. Love the swipe at Bezos' "Amazonians". Yeah, they visited here but were rallied against by the natives...

Recently Gentrified Portland Neighborhood Plans Indigenous Peoples’ Day Celebration
Posted: 07 Oct 2019 05:24 AM PDT

Portland – With Maine no longer observing Columbus Day, members of one former working-class Portland neighborhood are observing Indigenous Peoples’ Day with all-day celebrations.

The event is spearheaded by Karen Steed, a former Washington DC lobbyist who moved here 5 years ago. Steed now runs a successful artisanal soap shop.

“Rather than celebrate the brutality of colonialism, we’re going to lift up the names of the peoples who were here long before Europeans settled the so-called ‘New World.'”

Steed plans on serving Poc Chuc, “a food with its roots in ancient Mayan culture,” from a stand outside her store, a building that once housed a family-owned laundromat.

The neighborhood had a reputation for being “on the wrong side of town” as little as 10 years ago. Working-class people from dozens of ethnic and national backgrounds lived there until the tax rates were increased enough to make it no longer affordable.

“This is the best way I can think of to celebrate those affected by the brutality of imperialism,” said Joel

Yeah, that's the way Karen. Feed em some Poc Chuc outside your artisanal soap shop. Try as you may you really can't change History, the brutality of colonialism Is the true history of our New World. Accept it or Leave it !!
 

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