Joke of the day

[MOJOE]

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[MOJOE]

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[cany]

 

[MOJOE]

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[Old Mud]

On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife on the Maine Shore were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...." Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plows can get through?"

Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to Maine Girls exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time."

 

[MOJOE]

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[MOJOE]

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[MOJOE]

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[CELLFISH]

I can’t recall how I received this note while I was reporting to 14th street shop, but it’s here now… C22…
.

 

[Avenger]

I can’t recall how I received this note while I was reporting to 14th street shop, but it’s here now… C22…
.
View attachment 46335

I wouldn't know whether to be flattered or concerned.

 

[CELLFISH]

I wouldn't know whether to be flattered or concerned.

I’m honest… ?

 

[MOJOE]

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[MOJOE]

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[jpd]

Why NY Italians Can’t Be Paramedics…

Vinny and Sal, two guys from Brooklyn , are out in the woods hunting
when suddenly Sal grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't
seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head.

Vinny whips out his cell phone and dials 911. He gasps to the operator,
"I think Sal is dead! What should I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and
follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence… and then a shot is heard.

Vinny's voice comes back on the line, "Okay... now what?

 

[jpd]

Seven retired Italian Floridian guys were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Guido loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other six continue but standing up.
At the end of the game, Giovanni looks around and asks, "So, who's agonna' tell his wife?"

They cut the cards. Pasquale picks the low card and has to carry the news. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. "Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet.
Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me!"

So, Pasquale goes over to the Guido's condo and knocks on the door.
The wife answers through the door and asks what he wants?
Pasquale declares: "Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come home."

"Tell him to drop dead!" yells the wife.

"I'll go tell him." says Pasquale.

 

[MOJOE]

Seven retired Italian Floridian guys were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Guido loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other six continue but standing up.
At the end of the game, Giovanni looks around and asks, "So, who's agonna' tell his wife?"

They cut the cards. Pasquale picks the low card and has to carry the news. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. "Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet.
Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me!"

So, Pasquale goes over to the Guido's condo and knocks on the door.
The wife answers through the door and asks what he wants?
Pasquale declares: "Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come home."

"Tell him to drop dead!" yells the wife.

"I'll go tell him." says Pasquale.

jpd sounds like our club house down here,,, the new york mobsers are down here now,, playing cards all day and smoking there cigars,, there always trying to suck mojoe in a card game,,, jpd mojoe says HELL NO!!!!!!!!! i just want to fish down here ,,,,,,,,,,,,, ><)))):>
><))):>

 

[jpd]

A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"

She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."
"If you don't mind my asking," he said, "what do you use it for?" "We use it for sex," she said.

The researcher was a little taken aback. "Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it for sex?"

The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out."

What were you thinking ........

 

[Chevy1]

If a group of midgets stand up at a football game and do a "wave" is it a "ripple"?

 

[jpd]

This is the story of the poor dizzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day.
"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

She hears a voice over the radio saying:
"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem.
'Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."

She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."

"O.K." says the voice on the radio, "Repeat after me: Our Father, Who art in Heaven………"

 

[jpd]